Grappling With The Cone Of Smugness – Bike Snob NYC


Simply in case you thought New York Metropolis didn’t take its bike infrastructure significantly, try this child:

It’s a small e-assisted automobile for doing bike lane upkeep, which is smart, however what doesn’t make sense is that for some purpose it requires the operator to put on a helme(n)t:

Whereas completely not one of the different numerous tiny autos already in use by varied metropolis businesses do:

[From here.]

So is the explanation for this that the individuals working this factor shall be uniquely weak to cone assaults? Probably:

[Bike lane maintenance crew member locked in hand-to-hand combat with a traffic cone.]

Extra seemingly although it’s as a result of this factor simply occurs to have pedals, and as nicely all know something that has pedals requires a foam security hat for some purpose:

“However wait,” it’s possible you’ll be questioning. “Don’t all of them have pedals?” Effectively, sure, all the opposite ones have brake pedals and accelerator pedals:

It’s completely tremendous to drive these kinds of autos with out sporting a helmet, clearly. Nevertheless, if as an alternative of merely stepping on the pedals you additionally flip them spherical and spherical along with your ft then it’s good to put on one. It’s easy physics, silly!

And once more, that helmet particularly must be a bicycle helmet, not an automotive helmet or a motorbike helmet that may conceivably supply precise safety within the occasion of a collision:

I don’t know that this proves something, I similar to the video.

“So why even trouble equipping this factor with pedals in any respect?,” it’s possible you’ll be questioning. “For the reason that metropolis has been utilizing shitloads of tiny autos for ages, why not simply use these? Can’t we simply ship all of them out in golf carts and Cushmans?”

Effectively, no, duh! See, this factor goes to be spending a number of time blocking the bike lane:

Personally I’ve no drawback with the DOT blocking the bike lane with a view to attend to it. Nevertheless, advocates do, and also you’re not allowed to dam the bike lane in any respect for any purpose–even to offer you contemporary Citi Bikes:

That foolish peasant servicing the biggest bike share fleet in the USA actually ought to know higher.

Given this, clearly equipping this factor with pedals is the DOT’s try and deflect these complaints, since it is going to enable them to answer, “Hey, it’s a bicycle, it belongs within the bike lane.” Nevertheless, as I do know from private expertise, you’re not even allowed to encroach on the bike lane when you’re on an precise honest-to-Lob two-wheeled human-powered bicycle and serving to another person who’s additionally on a bicycle:

This worry of stopping in any respect for any purpose should clarify why I’m the one bicyclist in New York Metropolis who ever yields to pedestrians.

So actually, the one street upkeep automobile that would probably fulfill the smugerati can be some kind of development drone that hovers over the bike lane with a view to repair it:

Although even then it could run afoul of the livable streets motion, since banning helicopters is the brand new banning vehicles:

This then brings us again to the issue of what they need to title this factor:

Looks like “Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t” can be becoming.